On Fear, Again

I’ve just scheduled my dissertation proposal with my committee. It’s in 14 days. Today I began reviewing my research and I realized something: I don’t feel big enough to do this. You hear about people who have earned Ph.D.’s and people who didn’t. And suddenly you understand why people didn’t. There’s a precipice I’m standing on the edge of, and there’s no sheer drop into a ravine — it’s a field of doubt and insecurity. All I could see were these tall stalks with no end in sight. No light. No end of the tunnel. I began to ask myself if I really can do this. But I heard shouting at me from the other side of the field, through the stalks of shattered confidence “walk through this field. Do this shit anyway.” And so I am. Whatever it is, do it afraid. But do that shit anyway. 


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